Housecleaning (or maybe not...)

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?", she asked him.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move", answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!!", the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went ’Pssst!’ and it didn’t move"

* * * * *

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chcken Little warns the farmer. She read, "...and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said ’The sky is falling!’" The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said. "I think he said:

Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not, is something the majority of men would rather not question in case they discovered that she has been all along, and that they are not in fact the stud they thought women go wild for, but rather a pathetic creature with a problem, who needs to be patronized.

For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still like to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.

1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she has been reading.

A bunch of obvious excuses that let you show them you’re not really the filthy hag they’ve been taking you for all along, but rather a caring and considerate person who wants everyone to feel good in her company.

I don’t do windows because...
...I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don’t wax floors because...
...I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I’ll feel terrible and they may sue me.

I don’t mind the dust bunnies because...

...They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don’t disturb cobwebs because...
...I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don’t Spring Clean because...
...I love all the seasons and don’t want the others to get jealous.

I don’t pull weeds in the garden because...
...I don’t want to get in God’s way, he is an excellent designer.

I don’t put things away because...
...My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because...
...I don’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don’t iron because...
...I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

I don’t stress much on anything because...
..."A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol’ woman!!!!